Being from Michigan I absolutely despise the Ohio State Buckeyes. So for all it's worth, let the fun begin:
Q: Why did Ohio State change their field from grass to artificial turf?
A: To keep the OSU cheerleaders from grazing at half time.
One day in an elementary school in Columbus, Ohio a teacher asks her class if the Ohio State Buckeyes are their favorite football team. The whole class says yes except for Little Jimmy.
The teacher asks, "What's your favorite football team Jimmy?"
Little Jimmy says, "The Michigan Wolverines."
The teacher asks, "Well, why is that?"
Little Jimmy says, "Well, my dad is a Wolverine fan, my mom is a Wolverine fan, I guess that makes me a Wolverine fan."
The teacher angered by his reply says, "If your dad was a moron and your mom was an idiot what would that make you?"
Little Jimmy says, "Well, I guess that would make me a Ohio State fan."
One foggy night, a Michigan fan was heading south from Ann Arbor and an Ohio State fan was driving north from Columbus. While crossing a narrow bridge, they hit each other head-on, mangling both cars.
The Michigan fan manages to climb out of his car and survey the damage. He looks at his twisted car and says, "Man, I'm lucky to be alive!"
Likewise, the Buckeye fan gets out of his car uninjured, he too feeling fortunate to have survived.
The Buckeye fan walks over to the Michigan fan and says, "Hey, man, I think this is a sign that we should put away our petty differences and live as friends instead of being rivals."
The Michigan fan thinks for a moment and says, "You know, you're absolutely right! We should be friends. In fact, I'm going to see if something else survived the wreck."
The Michigan fan then pops open his trunk and removes a full, undamaged bottle of Jack Daniel's. He says to the Buckeye fan, "I think this is another sign--we should toast to our new found friendship." The Buckeye fan agrees and grabs the bottle. After sucking down half of the bottle, he hands it back to the Michigan fan and says, "Your turn!"
The Michigan fan calmly twists the cap back on the bottle, throws the rest of the bottle over the bridge into the river and says, "Nah, I think I'll just wait for the cops to show up."
Q: What's the difference between a Ohio State fan and a carp?
A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.
Q: Why do Ohio State fans keep their diplomas on their dashboards?
A: So they can park in handicap spaces.
Q: What do you call a good looking girl on the Ohio State campus?
A: A visitor.
Q: Did you hear about the power outage at the Ohio State library?
A: Forty students were stuck on the escalator for three hours.
Q: What does the average Ohio State student get on his SAT?
A: Drool
Q: What do you get when you cross a groundhog and a Buckeye?
A: Six more weeks of bad football.
General Schwarzkopf was walking through the desert during the Gulf War when he found a lamp on the ground. He picked it up, rubbed, and out came a genie.
The genie said to the General, "I will grant you one wish." The General replied, "I wish that we will win this war. Here is a map of the desert and all the war parties. Please make us win the war."
The genie responded, "I'm not that powerful of a genie. I cannot grant you that wish."
"Well," the General responds, "then can you have Ohio State win a bowl game this year?"
After a moment, the genie says, "Let me see that map again."
Q: What do you get when you cross an Ohio State fan and a pig?
A: Nothing. There's some things that a pig will not do.
Q: How many Ohio State freshman does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, it's a sophomore course.
Columbus News Report: Football practice in Columbus was delayed on Monday for nearly two hours. One of the offensive players, while on his way to the locker room, happened to look down and notice a suspicious looking, unknown, white powdery substance on the practice field.
The head coach, immediately suspended practice while the FBI was called in to investigate. After a complete field analysis, the FBI determined that the white substance unknown to the players was the goal line. Practice was resumed when the FBI decided that the team would not be likely to encounter the substance again.
Q. What did the Ohio State graduate say to the Michigan graduate?
A. "Welcome to McDonald's. May I take your order, please?"
Q: How do you get an Ohio State grad off of your front porch?
A: Pay him for the pizza.
Q: What's the only sign of intelligent life in Columbus?
A: Ann Arbor: 187 Miles
Four college alumni were climbing a mountain one day: an Ohio State grad, a Michigan grad, a Penn State grad, and a Notre Dame grad. Each proclaimed to be the most loyal of all fans at their alma mater. As they climbed higher, they argued as to which one of them was the most loyal of all. They continued to argue all the way up the mountain, and finally as they reached the top, the Notre Dame grad hurled himself off the mountain, shouting "This is for the Fighting Irish!" as he fell to his doom. Not wanting to be out done, the Penn State grad threw himself off the mountain proclaiming, "This is for the Nittany Lions!" Seeing this the Michigan grad walked over and shouted "This is for the Wolverines!" and pushed the Buckeye fan off the side of the mountain.
GO BLUE!
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